Some thoughts on chastity

Well boys and girls, it’s been two weeks since my last orgasm on Tuesday the 26th of April, just two days before Mistress Claire told me that I was only allowed one per week with her prior permission. So my thoughts have probably unsurprisingly been turning to chastity quite a lot of late, both my own and more generally so, since I have one of these blog thingies, I decided to go on something of a mental ramble. And yes, since I can be almost annoyingly coy when discussing sexual matters on this blog – my self-imposed “no naughty bits” policy for the galleries is going to need a rethink too it seems – this is going to be quite difficult for me to write without trying to pepper the entire post with euphemisms, but I’ll apologise in advance and try my best.

The cheap CB6000 clone being modelled by myself in the picture below is actually too large for me [blush] which in makes peeing problematic, so a CB6000S – where the S stands for “small” , something I’ve already pouted about extensively – is currently living a far more “jet setting” lifestyle than my own whilst travelling here from China! The current device was in place for nine hours on Sunday and I’ve been wearing it for the last thirty – bar a few quick removals to make sure everything was okay – but the majority of the last two weeks has been relying on willpower to keep me from self abuse. In that sense at least, I’m quite surprised at how well things have been going since I usually struggle with self control; this isn’t the first time I’ve been ordered to stay chaste by a Mistress but that last happened over sixteen years ago and I seem to have forgotten how hard it can be… if you’ll excuse the “pun”.

Wearing this cage even for a short period has taught me is that it’ll take time to acclimatise; there’s an almost constant temptation right now to put a hand into my knickers and “fondle” the damned thing almost in disbelief, which of course leads to an uncomfortable but completely expected reaction. It seems to be “common knowledge” in the various “how to train your man/sissy/delete as applicable” guides or indeed fiction online that keeping a submissive chaste will focus their attention on their dominant and therefore make them more willing to serve, so I’m interested to see how that works with me since I’d consider myself reasonably compliant to begin with…?

One thing that chastity really isn’t helping with is concentration; working on this post has taken a few days and required significantly more effort than usual because I’m distracting myself from the topic somewhat by bouncing back and forth checking social media, browsing BDSM-related pictures or chatting on assorted websites, “window shopping” online for new outfits and bondage accoutrements, writing a completely different and vanilla blog post simultaneously… I’m an Olympic-level procrastinator already and the sheer cage-humping frustration I went through on Sunday in particular was tormenting to say the least, so Rassilon alone knows how I’ll cope when I have a deadline to worry about! Some of the girls I’ve spoken to say they use anal stimulation to relieve the frustration and, whilst I’ve often said that I don’t enjoy the same, things are getting quite desperate so that might possibly become an option down the line! But oh goodness I hope not…

But all of this suffering is self-inflicted and I have nobody to blame but myself; I purchased this accursed thing to “experiment” with, it’s me holding the key for the moment at least and I’m the one who hasn’t asked Mistress Claire for permission to orgasm so far despite being allowed once a week. I could “bottle out” at any point by simply removing the device and abusing myself with nobody being any the wiser, but I wouldn’t do that and don’t want to either. Despite spending a fortnight pouting, saying how unfair it is to anyone who’ll listen and arguing with my Beloved over being pushed down this particular rabbit hole before I was “ready”, a part of me is nervously considering where this is going next and almost certainly looking forward to it – I’m even starting to enjoy the sensation of things being constricted when they become excited down there too.

There’s still quite a bit of trepidation because handing those keys is quite a serious commitment at least in my mind, and I really don’t want to end up in a situation where I disappoint Mistress Claire. Those worried thoughts are accompanied by all manner of dark but quite literally uncomfortably erotic thoughts about the horrible things I could potentially be “persuaded” into doing in order to hopefully earn my release… oh okay, I’m trying to be honest so hands up, most of those thoughts are things I’m just too shy to admit to wanting!

I also have an urge to buy another nun’s habit as well, but assume that’s unrelated…?

Paging nurse Verity

Once again, last Thursday was spent in the company of my Beloved, the amazing Mistress Claire, Eric and lots of other lovely people at Quest in Leeds. About a week before I’d settled on dressing as a nurse – I have an authentic ward sister’s uniform purchased over the counter from a shop in town that sells work clothing amongst other things – and it got me quite a bit of attention from the other girls; I wore it with my corset, hold up stockings, heels and my favourite collar despite those not being regulation NHS attire! Mistress Claire told me that I looked very smart as I completely fluffed yet another curtsey before her… I need to work on those!

The first tie of the day was the now traditional one, sat on the kneeling bench with my hood and ring gag in place. My arms were secured behind me, then my ankles pulled apart and back before another rope was secured to the gag’s harness which pulled my head back into a wonderfully helpless and exposed position which I suffered for a short time until Mistress Claire decided to remove it. That torment was replaced by another however, when my little thing was tightly bound with some cord that Sweet Amy had mentioned having the previous month and graciously offered to bring along; along with some stimulation from Mistress Claire and Amy, it kept me excited for what I think was the best part of two hours (as noted previously, it’s very easy to lose track of time in these situations) until it was decided that I needed a rest.

After a quick break for a much needed drink, I was tied in the same general position but with just my gag harness in place, allowing me to watch what was happening around me in the dungeon; that included seeing Mistress Claire’s submissive Eric bound to the scaffolding and squirting by her hand after over three weeks of self-inflicted chastity! I also got to see him being teased by Vixen and being made to go down on her until Mistress Claire decided to add a hood to my ensemble; I lost track of time once more, but not long after being released the buffet was put out in the bar, so we made our way there and I was sent scurrying around to get plates of of food.

On returning to the dungeon I volunteered to wear Vixen’s doll mask because I know she likes seeing girls in it. It’s a rubber hood that makes the wearer look a little like a blow up doll with wide eyes and mouth holes and quite intense to wear but, because it zips at the back, I also suggested wearing my own hood beneath it to keep my hair in check so was blindfolded as well. I was strapped tightly to the cross with my arms tied behind me with rope and whilst there, Vixen caressed my hooded face for a while until she sadly had to leave for her train and it was removed. My Beloved and Mistress Claire then amused themselves by pinching me and, because I take a while to recover, there are half a dozen bruises on my inner thighs a week later!

Mistress Claire wanted to try something different next so, since there was a gym mat out by the scaffolding that Eric had been hogtied on previously, we tried to find a way to tie me to it whilst sitting since I’d just been standing on the cross. The best solution turned out to be with my legs crossed and bound together and each wrist tied to one of the vertical posts; a blindfold was added to that, then a hood and finally some ear defenders which meant I couldn’t see anything and only the louder sounds in the dungeon were audible. That was a fantastic sensation being so removed from what was going on around me, both arousing and strangely calming at the same time and I’d really like to try this again but perhaps with stricter bondage, a gag of some kind and perhaps my gas mask since that would block out more sound when paired with the ear defenders.

Another rest followed before I was put onto the cross for a second time, but with my wrists in the leather cuffs which held them out at around shoulder height rather than behind me; whilst being bound there was some “heckling” from the dungeon’s doorway as my Beloved and a girl I’d seen playing earlier in the day both started offering suggestions and, despite me merely responding politely to them, it was then decided that I was talking too much and Mistress Claire taped my mouth shut with duct tape before adding her own hood and then applying more tape to the contents of my knickers! Thankfully both areas are kept reasonably well shaven, but that didn’t mean it wasn’t painful when the tape was eventually removed especially the lower piece.

The final tie of the day was in one of the bedrooms where my arms were securely but comfortably bound by my sides and, after I’d laid down on the bed, my ankles, knees and feet were also restrained – the latter worked themselves free but the rest remained that way until it was the end of the evening and time to get changed. As we were getting ready to leave my Beloved decided to drop me in it one more time with Mistress Claire, claiming that I was a “chronic masturbator” and needed chastity! I denied this heinous accusation of course, but now I’m only allowed to ask Mistress Claire for her permission to cum once a week… and from past experience in these situations expect that I’ll be too shy to actually do so, meaning that at the time of writing I’m a week into what will probably end up being thirty days of chastity. It’s highly ironic that this is happening during National Masturbation Month (at least in America, I have no idea if that applies here!)

I’ve always tried to be honest about my emotions here, so will confess that my Beloved getting involved in such a way was at the time upsetting; we’d previously agreed that she wouldn’t and, although mulling over the idea of chastity, I didn’t feel anywhere near ready and had said as much. The result was that I became rather pathetically upset, returned that particular “favour” by upsetting my Beloved whilst sulking for over a day and, despite our making amends, I still feel unhappy about what I put her through; if Mistress Claire deems it appropriate next time we see each other, I will politely ask to be punished for my poor behaviour.

To finish I’d like to extend my thanks to everybody who was there last Thursday, especially the wonderful Mistress Claire for giving me so much of her attention throughout the day (many of the pictures she took whilst I was bound are in a gallery here, the more intimate ones are over at XHamster), my lovely dungeon companion Eric who I will miss next fourth Thursday since he can’t be there, Amy for bringing along the cord and taking advantage whilst I was helpless to resist and of course my Beloved… I’m still very sorry for how I’ve acted and love you.

A change of outfit

Last Thursday was the fourth of the month so my Beloved and I spent the day at Quest in Leeds, stopping off for breakfast along the way and arriving around eleven o’clock before the doors were even open! As always I was there to hand myself over to Mistress Claire for her amusement, who arrived shortly after we did and was wearing a leather dress that was remarkably distracting! Since I wanted to go for something other than my PVC French maid’s uniform this time, I’d settled on a shiny black, long-sleeved dress over my regular corset and, because it’s quite short and barely covers my pantied behind, wore it as a top with my PVC skater skirt and a corset-style belt; stockings, heels and my favourite collar completed the ensemble, although in hindsight I’ll probably wear the corset over the dress in future!

On heading to the dungeon, the first tie of the day had me seated on the kneeling bench (Eric was bound there later in the day and said it felt like he was sitting in my place… I have spent a lot of time there now I think about it!) but it didn’t go quite to plan; Mistress Claire wanted to try something different so originally had me sitting sideways on (turned to one side from the position in the photo above) but my joint problems made that painful after a frustratingly short period of time so, annoyingly, I needed to be released far too quickly to be retied facing forward. Yes, I expect the idea of stopping a bondage session because the submissive is in pain might seem unusual for some readers, but that kind of discomfort is very different to what us willing victims suffer to please our dominants whilst being spanked, flogged or caned!

After I spent a good amount of time in that second, more comfortable position I was released and, whilst Mistress Claire concentrated on Eric for a while – he was tied facing the cross for some discipline – I got talking to a young-looking lad called Danny who was hovering around in the dungeon’s doorway; a lot of people do this, although only a few are brave enough to actually enter and he was looking simultaneously interested and petrified! He talked about wanting to experience a spanking or perhaps more so, although I’m somewhat out of practise with our floggers, I spent a while giving him a rough idea of how they felt on his arm. And I actually used the “will you regret not asking tomorrow” line in an effort to persuade him to approach Mistress Claire which worked so, since he apparently had a good time, I’m quite pleased with myself for encouraging him!

Next I was bound to the cross with my arms behind me and a rope tied to the harness on my ring gag which forced my head backwards; that position wasn’t uncomfortable at least to begin with – it was more my legs that suffered, I can still feel some of the after effects in my calves three days later – but felt wonderfully restrictive so it was a pity that nobody took advantage of my helplessness; some of that will be down to Danny coming back for another thrashing, because I could hear the onlookers – presumably still in the doorway but it’s hard to be sure when blindfolded – reacting to the flogging he took.

After my release and some time to rest my legs, another abortive tie was started with me hooded and gagged whilst my upper body was bound and the lovely Vixen was sat nearby, running her hands over my legs and the contents of my knickers! The reason it was stopped was because the buffet had been put out and the three of us were hungry by that point (BDSM takes it out of a girl) but Danny came back for a third time and wanting to try the cross, so I went ahead to fetch a plate of food for Mistress Claire and waited in the bar until she had finished with him. After we’d eaten, it was back to the dungeon once more and my hood and gag went back on whilst I was bound again, with Vixen resuming her teasing of me as I stood helpless and becoming more so as Mistress Claire worked her magic. With my upper body and arms restrained, I was then led to the kneeling bench, where I sat down to be tied onto it again, before Vixen sat on my lap and spent some time caressing my hooded face and kissing me before she sadly had to leave.

I stayed there for a while longer and, when I’d been freed again and given some time to recover, Mistress Claire led me into one of the private rooms for a well-deserved spanking – guess who was silly enough to ask for a “severe” one and got exactly what she’d asked for – before we spent some time just talking and relaxing. The final ninety minutes or so – I never wear a watch and regularly lose track of time – was spent in bondage once more as Mistress Claire used me to practise a couple of ties; annoyingly, I can’t remember what the first was but the second was the dragonfly sleeve shown in the picture below which was followed by a karada, a body harness which also secures the arms by the sides. All three were wonderfully restrictive whilst still comfortable, and I was also led around on the corridors of the club Mistress Claire’s chain still restrained by the latter… only for us to find that most of the people had left already!

So that meant it was time to be leaving ourselves and, after changing quickly and saying our goodbyes, my Beloved and I headed off into the night. Once more I need to offer my sincerest thanks to Mistress Claire for graciously spending so much time both binding me and taking pictures of my helplessness, as well as thanking my Beloved, Eric, Vixen and everybody else who was present for what was yet another brilliant day of en femme bondage.